October 13, 1999
Six Billion?!

I know all the Loyal Readers sometimes wonder why they tune into this page of drivel. I know I do. No, wait, I mean I know why they do! It's because of scoops like this! The first actual picture of the six-billionth human, born yesterday. His name is Fred, and he is the illegitimate child of Wilt Chamberlain! Remember, you read it here first, not in the Enquirer, not in People, not in Stern!
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